Bad Days

Ever since the death of my son, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. People always ask me how I am doing, and I always tell them I am doing as well as expected. I figure that they really don’t want to hear to truth about how I am really doing. Coping with losing a loved one is life’s most hardest challenge. At times I feel like I am going to get through the pain. At other times I just want to lay down and die so I can see my child again. Sometimes I can manage to laugh at something funny. Sometimes I just burst into tears. People say the pain never completely goes away, but it does become easier and more manageable. I have good days and bad days. I know as soon as I open up my eyes in the morning whether it is going to be a bad day or good day. I haven’t yet lived through a big holiday or my son’s birthday yet without him. How I dread those days, and I know they are just around the corner. When those days come, I am sure I will be in constant prayer. I hope God will carry me through those days with his grace, because now even the ordinary days sometimes are almost unbearable. I am sure others who have lost a child know exactly what I am going through. When I started this blog to journal all of my journey without my son, I decided to document all aspects of my grieving process. I am not going to only write about just rainbows and butterflies. Life is not only rainbows and butterflies. I want people to read about my struggles too because I want people to know they are not alone when they have bad days in the grieving process. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Benjie

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