I was speaking to my fiancé Barry about how I missed Austin and how I wanted him back. I said I wasn’t ready to let him go and how I wish I had him back home. I wasn’t ready to tell him forever goodbye here on Earth. Barry then asked if I could bring him back, if I could turn back time and have him back, would I? Of course I replied, “Sure I would.” That is when he told me I was selfish. I asked him, “Why am I selfish for wanting my son back that I only had in my life for twenty-two total years?” He answered, “Because he is where he has no worries, no burdens, no pain, no suffering, no nothing but total peace. Why would you want to bring him back to this world when he is living in paradise?” That made me really think and think hard. I understood then why he said I was selfish. I wanted to bring him back to be with me to heal my broken heart, my heartbreak, my sorrow, my pain. I wasn’t thinking about even what Austin would want. I know in my heart he is not missing me. I know in my heart he is hurting or crying to be back with me or his family. I know he wouldn’t choose to come back to this world for anything because he is living in God’s wonderful glory.
So now after I thought long and hard and prayed over the question, “Would I bring him back?”, I would have to say now I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want him to give up his new holy home with God, to be here with me in this broken world, even though I would give anything to see him again today. I have comfort now in my heart I will see him again, but not on my time. It will be on God’s time.