First post. September, Week two and one day.
I have prayed and prayed to Austin and God to tell me where to start. There are so many memories I want to share about times with my son. This is a blog that I never wanted to write. I am new to this kind of heartache, heart break, put me down on my knees (and I mean flat out knocked down to my knees, it wasn’t pretty) ache, I have so many things to tell Austin that I wish I had ache. I am never ever going to hear his voice again kind of pain. I am still new to this.
I am still new to not going to sing with the him in the car again, not going to get anymore texts or messages from him again, not ever going to celebrate his birthday or Christmas with him here again kind of pain. I am still new to this.
Have you ever always wanted to keep a journal of your days, but never really ever got around to it? Yeah, me too. I feel now is the most important time to journal my memories of life with Austin, and of my new life without Austin. My cherished memories, my pictures, my good days, my bad days, and my new found peace after his death. I will never get any new pictures of him for keepsakes. I am starting a “notebook” kind of memoir because I want to remind my mind, my feelings, my soul, and my heart of my times with Austin with these writings when my family and I can’t or will have no other way of remembering. Writing down memories has a way of lasting through the years. Hopefully reading this will help others on the same kind of journey I am on. I am just following my heart.
As of this minute, I know it’s been two weeks and one day without him on Earth, but I can’t remember today’s date. Taking one day at a time.
Benjie, one proud mom